Welcome to the third trimester!

It has been almost two months since I posted here in my blog. I have basically been enjoying my pregnancy and trying to focus on cooking these babies as long as I can. It has been going well and the babies are growing strong. I had an ultrasound today and both boys are measuring 2lbs 7 oz and 2lbs 6 oz, both head down and very, very active.

I have so much love for these babies and so much love for my husband. At one point in my life, I could never ever imagine the joy of carrying a child, let alone TWO precious little beings. I am so grateful for this opportunity but I have not forgotten the many people in my life that are still fighting for theirs.

Truth is, I still hold a tremendous amount of guilt. I hardly talk to many of my friends that I met through my online support groups and I wish that it was not that way. Unfortunately, I completely understand because I have been there too. I give them space and try not to ask how they are too much or talk about my pregnancy.  When they ask how I am, I try to be honest. 

Reality is, it is hard carrying twins and I have a lot of pain in my hips and back and the heat has been unbearable this summer. Let's remember that I am also six foot one. I can't walk any real distance and I need help standing and getting out of bed. I LOVE my boys and feeling them and carrying them and I do not take anything for granted but I have to get something clear, I have a right to talk about how I feel. If you ask, I will tell you. If you don't want my answer, please don't ask. Sorry but I had to get that out of my system.

27 weeks and three days... imagine! They will be here before I know it!  I will try and post more often  but for now, I will share some pictures :) 

Today, it was sooo hot... this is how I dealt with it hahaha

Here are the babies! Baby B is always much harder to see but you can see his little side profile turned inward to the left :)  Baby A is a show off !

Here is a picture from my baby shower! It was an incredible day!!!! I have everything I need for these little monkeys!

And here is a sneak peak of the maternity photo shoot that a friend of mine did :) I really like this one and I cannot wait to see the rest!

Funny Story...

So, yesterday my friend came over for a visit (she is 1 week behind me in her pregnancy with a singleton) and we decided to take a trip to Walmart.  While we were out we were exchanging funny stories about our pregnancies and reminiscing about the AWFUL morning sickness we both had in the first/second trimester. Basically we were thanking out lucky stars that neither of us were suffering like that anymore. We spent about an our picking through the baby stuff and ooing and awing over the little people we could not wait to meet.

When we were leaving the parking lot, we both felt hungry. She decided on chicken and I was indecisive (as I ALWAYS am when it comes to food it seems).  We went through Mary Brown's drive through and she ordered. While we were waiting at the window, I became really nauseated and began gagging. I tried to ignore it but it was getting worse and worse. When the lady passed me the bag I was gagging and my eyes were watering. She asked if I was okay and I replied, "I'm pregnant and the chicken seems to be turning my stomach." I pulled ahead and opened the door. The smell of chicken and grease was filling my car and the gagging became much much worse... My friend scrambled and found me a plastic bag in the back seat.  I got every single red light on the way home (of course) and I gagged and heaved the whole way home!

When we FINALLY pulled into my driveway, my friend jumped out of the car. We were laughing so hard once we stopped that I peed my pants... yup. Got out of the car and low and behold a wet spot on my drivers seat. WELL. At this point we were crying with laughter and I was just peeing down my leg. I could not control my bladder at all. I would say we stood out there in front of my house laughing and crying for a solid ten minutes. Apparently I will never have fried chicken in my car again hahahahaha That was the first time that a smell has ever had an impact on me like that. It was certainly a story that my friend and I will share with our children and I am sure we will laugh just as hard!

20 WEEKS!

How far along? 20 WEEKS!!

How big are the babies?  At 20 weeks hair on the scalp is sprouting and sensory development evolves rapidly. The nerve cells serving each of the senses - taste, smell, hearing, seeing, and touch - are now developing in their specialised areas of the brain. Nerve cell production slows down as existing nerve cells grow larger and make more complex connections. The smell of a newborn seems to be the most developed of all senses, enabling them to recognize you immediately. 

You no doubt feel the kicking and somersaulting of your growing twins. At times, they may be so mobile that they will wake you up during the night. The next ten weeks or so will be your twins' busiest and most active time, until the uterus gets too crowded. 

A whitish coat of a slick, fatty substance called vernix caseosa will begin to cover your twins. It protects their skin during its long immersion in amniotic fluid and acts as a barrier against infection after birth. Your twins are swallowing an increasing amount of amniotic fluid, good practice for their digestive systems. 

Until now your fetuses have been measured from crown to rump but from 20 weeks the measurement will be from crown to heel. And from crown to heel they are approximately 10.5 inches/ 27 centimetres long. Their eyebrows and eyelids are fully developed and fingernails cover the fingertips. 

Your babies can now hear your conversations. If you talk, read, or sing to your twins, sound waves are transmitted along your spine to make them progressively familiar to your voice, helping them to recognise you after they are born. 

Your twins can hear other sounds through the skin covering your belly, but they are distorted as they pass through your fat and muscle, the wall of your uterus and amniotic fluid. Only your voice will be clearly recognisable to them by the end of your pregnancy. 

Most mums-to-be detect their twins movements (called quickening) between 18 and 22 weeks of pregnancy. If you've been pregnant before, you'll feel things earlier rather than later. What you may first think is a rumbling stomach may be your twins doing some back flips.

Weight gain/Loss: I am at exactly my pre-pregnancy weight of 205 lbs so I have no officially gained any weight.  These babies are taking what they need from me. My bum is smaller because my maternity pants seem to fall off! I am feeling good though :)

Maternity clothes: All maternity clothes at this point!

Stretch Marks: Nope! Bio Oil! Everyday twice a day!

Best Moment of the week: The hugest kick from baby B :) It was HUGE! 

Movement: Kicks and turns and punches all over my belly! I have some very active monkeys!

Symptoms: Well, I look very pregnant? lol I struggle with bending and I get tired very easily. 

Gender: TWO PRECIOUS BABY BOYS!

Anything making you sick or queasy? Any time I get reflux I have to puke. If I wake up in a rush to go to work and I am hungry, I will puke for sure

Labor signs? Nope and they can stay away for at least 18 weeks!

Wedding rings on or off? On!

Mood? GREAT!

Looking forward to: Meeting my monkeys :)

Sleep: Sleep sucks. lol I am certainly preparing for these little boys. I have such a hard time sleeping because it is nearly impossible to get comfortable!

Here is the Buddha belly!

My First Mother's Day

Every year that Mother's Day would pass, it was always joyous to celebrate my amazing Mom but there was a part of me that ached to be at the receiving end of all the joy. Year after year I watched all the new moms celebrate their bundles and basque in their newly acquired title-- Mommy.

This Mother's Day marks the beginning of my new journey. I am so grateful for the blessing of carrying these two perfect little beings. What a gift it is to feel them move and kick inside me knowing that I get to be their protector for the rest of my life. I have never felt so much love towards anything or anyone in my entire life. I thank God every single day for these precious gifts... it is finally my turn.

Here are a few cards that I received today from a dear friend,  my hubby and my Momma...

Here are my two beautiful bassinets all assembled and ready for my little bundles! BOTH were given to me as gifts. The kindness of other has been tremendous for my husband and I :) Two babies are expensive! 

And here is the proud Momma to be sporting her nice round belly on Mother's day :)

18 Weeks!

Almost halfway there!!

How far along? 18 weeks

How big are the babies? At 18 weeks pregnant, your baby is hitting the height chart at five and a half inches long (remember, that's crown to rump) and weighs about five ounces (the weight of that boneless chicken breast you're making for dinner). 

And now for the skill of the week (drum roll please…): The art of the yawn has been mastered by your baby (someone's sleepy!).  In fact, you might catch a glimpse of that adorable yawn if you're getting an ultrasound this month. You'll also catch a glimpse of all the fetal movement your baby's doing — twists, rolls, kicks, and punches. And would you believe your baby is finally big enough for you to start feeling those movements now (or anytime in the next few weeks). So get ready!

Something you won't see on the ultrasound, but you'll know is in working order, is your baby's nervous system, which is maturing rapidly at this time.  Nerves, now covered with a substance called myelin (which speeds messages from nerve cell to nerve cell), are forming more complex connections. And those in the brain are further specializing into the ones that serve the senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. Talking about hearing, your baby's is growing more acute, making your little one more conscious of sounds that come from inside your body (which means you could both be listening to each other hiccup  — a skill that your baby has by now).

Weight gain/loss: Not quite sure! I will have to check that out soon. I don't own a scale so I usually just check at doctor's appointments or at a friends. I would say I have some weight on now. Between the belly and the boobs, it is inevitable

Maternity clothes: I wear pretty much all maternity clothes now with the exception of pajamas and t-shirts that I wear to bed.

Stretch marks: Nope! Not yet anyways!

Best moment of the week: When I felt a kick from the outside :) Last night I was sitting in the recliner and I had my hand on my tummy and left one of the babies give me a little kick :) LOVED it !

Movement: Kicks and rolls and turns! Pretty quite during the day but the evenings are very active :) Lately there has been someone's body part getting stuck up under my left rib and it HURRRTTTS hahaha But I still love it :)

Symptoms: Big round belly, BIG boobs, acid reflux, fatigue and lots of discomfort when I am sitting straight up (I need to have room for the babies so I often lay back).

Gender: We should know on FRIDAY!

Anything making you sick or queasy? Well, there is nothing really particular. I get sick from different things but if I get hungry at all, look out... I will puke.

Labor signs? Nope!

Wedding rings on/off? On

Mood? I have days where I am very emotional about stuff... I had a day last week where I just CRIED and cried ... and cried some more. But for the most part, I am pretty chipper. Hubby injured himself in a freak accident this past week and that has been really worrying me but I have a wonderful mamma who is always willing to help.

Looking forward to? FRIDAY! The anatomy scan and our gender reveal party!

Sleep? I am in bed around 10 every single night if not earlier. I wake A LOT to pee and I drink a lot of water through the night. When I sleep, I sleep very solid!

Stay tuned for belly pics!

16 weeks!

How far along? 16 weeks 3 days



How big are the babies?  By 16 weeks, your twins will each grow to 10cm (3.9in), from crown to rump. They now weigh about 100g (0.2lb) each. 

Your twins' unique fingerprints are already in place. And when you poke your stomach gently and they feel it, your twins may start rooting and sucking whatever is in front of their mouths. This could be a hand, foot or an umbilical cord. This sucking reflex will give them the training they need for breastfeeding once they're born. 

If one or both of your twins are girls, they will now have approximately two million eggs in their ovaries, dropping to a million by the time they're born. 

Your twins' bodies are now growing faster than their heads. Their parchment-thin skin covers itself with thick, downy hair (lanugo). Though their eyebrows are beginning to grow and they're sprouting hair on top of their heads, this may change in texture and colour once they're born. 

Your babies' legs are growing longer than their arms, each fingernail is fully formed, and all their joints and limbs can move. Their external genitals may be developed enough for a sonographer to tell whether you're expecting boys or girls. You may be able to find out the sex of your babies by ultrasound at this stage. 

Your twins' skeletons are mostly rubbery cartilage, which will later harden. A protective substance (myelin) slowly begins to wrap around the spinal cord. 

Your twins' chests move up and down to mimic breathing, but rather than air, they're taking in amniotic fluid, which helps their lungs to develop. Your twins are also starting to have hiccups. Hiccups are an essential reflex which trains their diaphragms, the muscles they need for breathing as soon as they are born. 

Weight gain/loss: In the first trimester, I lost 7 lbs but I have gained back 2.5 of that 7 :) I don't think it will be too much longer and I will be piling on the weight

Maternity clothes: Yup, all maternity clothes now :)

Stretch marks: NOPE! :) I coat myself in bio oil and have been able to prevent them so far! I DO have that dark line beginning to form from my boobs to my pelvic bone! Linea Nigra I believe it is called!

Best moment of the week: Any time I feel my babies, it is the best time :)

Movement: LOTS! Mainly in the evenings. I feel a LOT of movement from the little one on my right side and less from baby on the left.  When I eat anything cold, they move lots!

Symptoms: Big belly, big boobs  :) When I sneeze, I always dribble hahaha

Gender: Not sure! I am still thinking two boys!

Anything making you sick or queasy? Well, nothing specific really. I have been feeling much better. I have had a few evenings throwing up but really nothing in particular set me off. I have to eat when I am hungry or I will be very nauseated. 

Labor signs? Nope and they can stay far, far away!

Wedding rings on/off? On

Mood? BEST mood :)

Looking forward to? This afternoon's ultrasound! Cannot wait to see our little twinkies!

Sleep:  Been sleeping much better lately :) REALLY struggling with sleeping on my left side. I always end up on my right! 

Here is the newest belly pics!

        
15 weeks                                16 weeks

I feel so beautiful :)

This past week, I have been feeling wonderful! The morning sickness seems to have tapered off and my acid reflux is under control with medication. I am growing and blooming and I just LOVE my new belly :) I have never felt so beautiful in my life. Being the keeper of two beautiful little darlings is like nothing I have ever experience. The tickles and movements make me smile and bring me tremendous joy.  I think I am growing two strong boys :)  Here is my bare belly...

14 Weeks!

How far along? 14 weeks 1 day

How big are the babies? Now the size of your clenched fist, your baby is more fluid-like in his movements, so he’s no longer doing the jerk every time he repositions his arms and legs. Other developments this week include a roof of his own (inside his mouth, that is) as well as intestinal activity: His intestines are producing meconium (which is the waste that will make up his first bowel movement after birth). He is also sporting a downy coating of hair (lanugo) that keeps him nice and warm. Not to worry — you won't give birth to a monkey; baby fat will accumulate over the next few months and take over the function of keeping your baby warm and toasty —allowing most of that hair to shed.

Weight gain/loss: I have actually lost 7 lbs since the beginning of the pregnancy. The doctor apparently is not worries so I am just hoping that the morning sickness eases off more and I can eat a little more.

Maternity clothes: Yup :) All maternity clothes. My shirts are okay because I like wearing lose empire wasted tops anyways.

Stretch marks: Nope. Bio oil every single day!

Best moment of the week: When our best friends announced to the rest of the world that they are expecting a week later than us!! :) 

Movement: Yes. My arsehole doctor tells me that I am "not feeling the babies yet" but I know I am. They tickle and flutter in my tummy on either side. I know it is them. I can put the doppler where I feel them and get a heartbeat right away! So boo on her and her negativity! Has SHE ever carried two babies? Unlikely. So there. 

Symptoms: Well. I throw up every day and the nausea and reflux is pretty much unbearable after supper. I always say that 3:30pm is my "peak puke time" haha  Other than that, my belly is getting bigger and my heart is full :)

Gender: Not sure! I am thinking boys!

Anything making you sick or queasy? Seems like everything makes me sick or queazy. 

Labor signs: Nope.

Wedding rings on/off: On

Mood: Great mood :) Loving my baby bump and LOVING the fact that my friends and family know about our miracles.

Looking forward to: May 17th :) Our Anatomy scan! Hotdogs or hamburgers? Or one of each?

Sleep: I am still a sleep machine. Bedtime is usually no later than 9:30/10:00pm

Here are the last few weeks' belly pics:

                 

 12 weeks                                      13 weeks                            14 weeks


Seems like I am bigger at 13 weeks! I may have had a fully belly :) xoxo Babies are growing!!

It's been a while!

Sorry for the crazy break in my blog posts! I have really been suffering from morning sickness and I find that I am too tired to do anything when I get home home in the evenings. Too much time in front of a screen does a doozy on me (headaches, nausea etc).

So, here I am! 14 weeks 1 day pregnant with my little twinkies :) And every ounce of nausea and vomiting I am plagued with will be more than worth it when I hold my little miracles! Hubby lovingly calls them my "parasites" haha  The babies are growing and moving everyday! I am so in love with them :) Always rubbing my belly and talking and singing to them. They are my whole world :)

It would be GREAT if the reflux and nausea would ease up on me but I am not banking on it. I have a feeling I will be one of those women who have it the entire pregnancy. The sickness is not forever.... but my babies are. I just keep telling myself that :)

11 Weeks :)

How far along? 11 weeks!!

How big are the babies? Your babies (now about two inches long) have been pretty busy this week, growing hair follicles, finger nails, and ovaries (if there is a girl in there). She has distinct human characteristics by now, with hands and feet in front of her body, with ears nearly in their final shape, open nasal passages on the tip of their tiny nose, a tongue and palate in the mouth, and visible nipples.  What else makes her look human? Those hands and feet have individual fingers and toes (meaning good bye to those frog-like webbed hands and feet). Hooray!

Weight gain/loss: Not sure still!! I am going to a friends house today so I may ask to use her scale :) 

Maternity clothes: YUP. If I am not wearing maternity jeans, I am wearing leggings under my belly because I have NOTHING left that fits.

Stretch marks: Nope

Best moment of the week: Being asked "are you expecting?"

Movement: I think so. I feel little tickles down low. Feels like someone is running their finger along the inside of my tummy. It happens on my left and my right side so I am choosing to believe that I feel these little farts moving :)

Symptoms: Boobs are still huge and veiny and I think my nipples are really starting to get darker. Lots of pulling and stretching and occasional nausea and vomiting!

Food cravings? I wish I could say that I am craving good things but I am NOT. I want salty things like Mr. Noodles and mini pizzas... and sweet things like ice cream! I am TRYING to eat healthy but I am so happy to have my appetite back that I only eat things that appeal to me! Today I am going to work on eating more fruits and veggies :)

Gender: I don't know why but I KNOW there are not two girls in there. I think I am either having two boys of one of each. :) As long as they are healthy I am happy!

Anything making you sick or queasy? I find strong smelling things make me queasy. Like air fresheners the aisle at the grocery store with all the cleaners and stuff, and garlic.

Labor signs: nope

Wedding rings on or off? On

Mood: My mood has been great! Since my morning sickness has started slacking off, I am more social and feeling so much better!

Looking forward to: April 3! Next ultrasound!

Sleep: Just call me a sleep machine. 

Here is the newest pic! I will take a close up later!

10 weeks!!!

I announced in Facebook and it was such a great feeling :) I used this picture as my cover photo....

It said "This Fall, the Lidstone Family will be expanding by four little feet. And we are not getting another puppy :)"  I changed my profile picture to the newest scan picture!!! Here they are!!!

They were beautiful! One was moving on the screen, the other was a little lazy! They both had a beautiful heartbeat and looked soooo much bigger! The Doctor I had this time was a different one and she didn't tell me the heart rates but she did say that they were where they should be. She only gave us one picture too so I was kind of sad about that BUT they are growing and healthy and plumping up their mamma! Here's the newest pic!

I'll update my 10 week progression later today or tomorrow :) My beautiful aunt is visiting for, Ottawa and I'm hanging with her today! 

9 Weeks :)

How far along?  9 weeks 3 days

How big are the babies? Your babies, now the size of green olives, have grown about an inch since last week. Tiny muscles are beginnning to form, so while they might not be ready to pump iron, they are gearing up to move their arms and legs. It is still too soon to feel anything in your belly, but you might be able to hear something at your next checkup. Try listening for your babies' heartbeat via a doppler device--that welcome sound should be audible any time now!

Weight gain/loss: Not sure just yet but I will asked to be weighed on Thursday at the ultrasound. I am pretty sure that I lost weight this week because I had a TERRIBLE stomach flu and threw up for about two days. Even my tummy doesnt feel as "full."

Maternity clothes: Got lots of tops but no pants that fit right. The ones I ordered came in too big and need to be sent back tomorrow. I hope the right size comes next week!

Stretch marks: nope!

Best moment of the week: Has not happened yet :) Thursday when I see my babies again!

Movement: nope!

Symptoms: Well, boobs are still tender, pulling and tugging and morning sickness (worse at night).  

Food cravings: Honestly, none. I eat whatever appeals to me at the time and it really is not much.

Gender: Not sure!

Anything making you sick or queasy? It varies but mainly everything

Labor signs: nope.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Mood: Well, I have been worrying a lot since I had this stomach flu. My body was rocked. Lots of violent vomitting and just awful pain. I am trying to stay in high spirits but it is hard because I am concerned about the babies. So far this pregnancy has been very hard. I am really looking forward to feeling that "glow."

Looking forward to: March 14

Sleep: I sleep LOTS  :) Naps in the afternoon are my staple. Usually between three and six and I always get to bed by 10 or 11pm.  I wake a lot to pee during the night but I feel rested during the day...until nap time :)

These made me smile :)

These are a couple of poems that my dear friend sent me in an email today :) She is the mother of twin boys (one of which is my Godson )... I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

The Mother of Twins

A meeting convened one day

in Heavens sacred hall.

The Ideal mother must be found

for twins so sweet and small.

She must be patient, first of all,

And kind and calm and wise.

And capable of chasing tears

away from little eyes.

She'd have to put her children first

And be so very smart

Have dedication and resolve,

A sweet and loving heart.

They all agreed you were the best

No other mom would do.

Yes, Heaven found the perfect one

And sent those twins to you!

Twins

So many good things come in pairs,

Like ears and socks and panda bears.

But best of all are sets of twins,

with extra laughter, double grins.

There's so much fun in having two

with twice as many points of view.

So much alike, forever linked,

and yet they're also quite distinct.

They share a birthday and a name,

But moods and tempers aren't the same.

Although at times they may dispute,

their loyalty is absolute.

From days of youth till life is done,

it's one for both and both for one.

We're all quite novel and precise,

But special folks ~

God made twice.

Special Delivery

Special delivery, special pair

two little infants left in your care.

It won't be easy this great big task

God thought you were the one He would ask.

To guide and rear two at the same time

through fights and mishaps and lots of grime.

He will give you strength for the longest day

and He will always be there to show you the way.

Though times you will feel that you are alone,

there are a lot of twins mothers

who have two that are grown,

So with this in mind that others have survived the test.

You'll thank God for your double blessing

and do your best.

So. Sick.

Well, this is day two of violent vomiting and non-stop nausea. It is AWFUL. Apparently, from what I am reading, this is only supposed to get worse over the next week or so as it peaks at 9 weeks. My lips are dry and my body is sore and I am so incredibly fatigued. BUT I am happy. I am happy that these babies keep reminding me (while they could ease up a little) that they are growing strong and snuggling in for the ride.

I am starting to worry about dehydration. I drink lots of water and eat popsicles buy even my skin is dry. If this does not ease up today I may take a trip to the emergency room for a check up. I wanna make sure my babies are getting what they need.  I will continue to take it easy for the rest of the day and rest up. Hopefully I will feel better and manage to keep a meal down at some point today!

8 Weeks!!!!

How far along? 8 weeks 0 days

How big are the babies? Your babies are growing at an amazing rate--about a millimeter every day--around the size of a large raspberry. Your little berries are looking a lot less reptilian (even though she has webbed fingers and toes, her tail is just about gone) and a lot more baby-like these days, as her lips, nose, eyelids, legs, and back continue to take shape. Her hearts is beating at an incredible rate of 150 times per minute--about twice as fast as yours!  And even though you can't feel it yet, she's now making spontaneous movements as she twitches her tiny trunk and limb buds. 

Weight gain/loss: Still not sure! I have no scale in my house!

Maternity clothes: Yup, been wearing my new maternity jeans and I have been living in leggings and stretchy pants

Stretch marks: Nope!

Best moment of the week: Seeing my babies on Monday morning :)

Movement: Nope

Symptoms: Crazy sore boobs, preggo brain, lots of nausea and vomiting

Food cravings: None... it feels like a struggle when it is time to eat anything

Gender: No idea! I think I am having two boys :)

Anything making you queasy or sick? EVERYTHING.

Labor signs: nope

Wedding rings on or off? On

Mood: It has been pretty good but I am finding that feeling sick and miserable all the time is kinda bringing me down. I am trying to enjoy every moment (those that do not involve being in the toilet). 

Looking forward to: March 14 :)

Sleep: Lots of sleeping and napping. I wake a LOT during the night to pee and to change my position in bed. I am working on sleeping on my left side but I move so much that I sometimes wake on my belly (and my boobs KILL me after this)

Here's the newest bump picture! I am starting to fill out in other places too. 

First Blog Rant...

Warning: If you don't want to read, feel free to move on. I am going to vent because I am sick of tippy toeing around certain women in FF. I know MANY people are.

Okay so, yesterday I was in my chat forum and I made a comment to one of the young women who recently found out that she is expecting. I told her she was "lucky to be pregnant."  I stand by that. While she had a number of fertility treatments (IUI, IVF, shot etc) she was STILL successful in conceiving a baby. I have so many friends that have spent thousands of dollars on IVF and IUI, had hundreds of shots  and have not managed to conceive a baby or did and lost theirs. I also have another friend of mind who can get pregnant easily but, because of so many immune and genetic issues, her pregnancies end in loss. If you are too "cranky" to be in chat and you are going to use it as an outlet to be rude, it is simple, leave. There is no science to it. If you find that, "people just tend to piss you off on there and you can't really relate to them at all", then stay away. It is a support group. I stand by every single woman who struggles and if you don't, then LEAVE. You obviously have "outgrown" your need for the women in there so do everyone a favor and find somewhere else to be a jerk.

And another thing, when I had my loss back in September, this person made ME feel like a piece of crap because I was hurting. Her comment was "at least you got pregnant."  And that is supposed to make it better? After three years of trying, we miraculously manged a natural pregnancy and had the joy and excitement of a baby only to LOSE it. My hurt was justified and your comment was insensitive and cruel.

I am just sick and tired of feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around this person because she is so moody and bitter about her experiences. And yes, bitter is the word I am looking for. Stop bitching about your battle scars and embrace them. You are pregnant. Yes, you have had a long, hard journey. YES, you have. So have I. So have so many women and still they have no baby. I am sorry if telling you that you are "lucky" or "blessed" has pissed you off or offended you but give me a break. YOU ARE LUCKY. YOU ARE BLESSED WITH A BEAUTIFUL BABY. Isn't that the end goal of the ttc journey? A perfect little mix of you and your husband? You have it. It is growing inside you and the needles and procedures and heartache are worth it because you are there...

If you leave a rude comment, I will delete it. I won't even take the time to read it. I was courteous and did not leave one on yours.  And for the record, I am done with FF for a while. In the words of a good friends, "you need to focus on you and your babies and stay away from the stress." I have prayed for so long to be here and I am finally expecting two beautiful miracles. I have paused my account and I have no idea when I will go back. I may not at all.

Baby LOVE!

Here they are!!!!

One little one is measuring 6 weeks 6 days and the other is measuring 7 weeks 2 days :) The doctor is VERY pleased with how they are shaping up! She did not tell me the heartbeats this time and I forgot to ask BUT they were fluttering away on the screen!  I get to see them again on March 14th!!!

7 Weeks!

How far along? 7 weeks 0 days

How big are the babies? Your babies are now the size of blueberries (and about 10,000 times bigger they were at conception). Most of the growth is concentrated in the head as new brain cells are generated at the rate of 100 per minute. Your baby's mouth and tongue are forming as arm and leg buds sprout, and those little kidneys are getting ready to do their job (pee production and excretion).

Weight Gain/Loss: Not sure? I have to get weighed at my appointment on Monday


Maternity clothes: Not yet! BUT they are ordered! 

Stretch marks: Other than the ones on my boobs, not yet! I bought bio oil yesterday though and will start using that today!

Best moment of the week: Without a doubt, Tuesday morning when we say the most beautiful sight of our lives... two precious little heartbeats :)

Movement: Not yet 

Symptoms: Nausea and sometimes vomiting, fatigue, pulling and tugging in my lower abdomen

Food Cravings: Nothing really... I have not had much of an appetite. I basically eat snacks throughout the day to make sure I am eating but I am struggling a lot with eating, even with the meds.

Gender: No idea what these babies are but I cannot wait to find out!!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pretty much everything lol. Specifically, I cannot have anything at all around my neck because it makes me gag.  Strong smells and too much heat are triggers for me too. Anything really cold is good. Hot beverages turn my stomach.

Labor signs: Nope

Wedding rings on or off? On

Mood: Good most times but the nausea does get to me at times and I can be moody. No one likes to feel sick all the time no do they? lol

Looking forward to: Monday :) 7 week 3 day ultrasound

Sleep: I am sleeping a LOT! Since I have started taking the diclectin for my nausea, I sleep a little better at night but still wake a few times to pee.

Here is the newest belly pic!!!

First Purchase!

Just had to order two pairs of maternity pants! I got up this morning and I could not get my dresspants done up for school! I have a couple of "fat pants" from before I started kickboxing that I am using now but I have a feeling it will not be much longer and I will need them. I am super uncomfortable all day because I feel SO bloated. Gosh, I love these babies :)

I saw God today...

That is what my status has read all day. Why? Because I did see him... I saw him in two beautiful, perfect little hearts beating at 120 and 122 this morning. TWO miracles measuring 6 weeks and 4 days. In that moment I was reminded that all of the crying and praying I did to become pregnant was so worth it. My hubby and I have struggled to have a baby for over three years and I was beginning to think I would never have a baby.  Here I am--pregnant... with TWINS :)

I saw the doctor at 10:30am and she did an internal ultrasound. She said nothing (neither did we) for about 10 mins... she just clicked pictures while she looked at the screen.... Finally, I said "please tell me something."  She explained that she was not sure what she was seeing and wanted to consult with a colleague before she told me anything.  What they were seeing was two heartbeats in two different sacs but there was a third sac that did not have a viable baby.  Hence the bleeding I had on Friday. The doctor reassured me that two babies were strong and growing but it appeared that my body "aborted" the third (charming huh?) and she explained that the risks with triplets are sky high and it may have been my body's way of knowing its limits.

After the ultrasound, the doctor examined me and told me to "start looking for maternity pants" because my uterus was measuring 10-11 weeks :) I guess we know why my pants are not fitting? Well, she gave me a high five and congratulated me on my babies... babies... imagine? I am growing two perfect little mixes of hubby and I...

My heart is overjoyed and I am just so excited to have such great news! Now I have to try and keep it to myself for as long as I can! It does not seem like I will be able to hide it for long though with this tummy!! Have a look!

Off to a rough start

Well, I started bleeding fairly heavy today and ended up in the emergency room.  I was a wreck. They did blood work and also a very crappy quality ultrasound. They saw two sacs but could only see one fetal pole. Because the women's clinic did not have the trans-vaginal ultrasound available, I have to wait to have one on Monday. I want my babies to be okay. I cried and cried and cried in the ER and I prayed and prayed. Please Lord these babies are just snuggling in and because of the crappy quality and the lack of a full bladder, my other baby was just hiding.

I need all of your prayers. I have never been so scared in my whole life. I need my babies to be okay, BOTH of my babies. xo

Okay for Now...

Well, the nurse called and my betas are good. They are at 19,000 today so she said that is a great number. She told me that I need to try and focus on being happy and positive and stop stressing. It is so much easier said than done. She reassured me that many women spot and even bleed during their pregnancy. I am NOT in the same pregnancy as I was when I miscarried and I need to stop comparing  this baby to my angel baby because they are not the same.

From this day on, I am going to stay focused on the fact that this baby is strong and healthy and have faith that the Lord is looking after us.

Prayers Please....

I had a lot of nausea and dry heaving while I was teaching today and when I went to the bathroom later I had some brown spotting... The same thing happened the last time... actually Thursday would the day I started miscarrying ... 5 weeks 5 days.... 

I am praying that everything is okay and that this is just normal. I called the nurse and I will be getting some blood work done tomorrow. She said it could be any number of things and it could be nothing. Realistically, I have no control over what is happening so I just have to trust that God has a plan. I just pray that his plan involves this perfect little being giving us the gift of parenthood in October. I want this baby to be okay more than I have ever wanted anything. 

Anyway, I am going to lay down. I will have blood work and see what happens tomorrow. Please pray for my sweet pea... 

5 Weeks!

How Far Along: 5 weeks, 0 days

How Big is Baby: Your baby now resembles a teeny tadpole (complete with a tiny tail) and is about the size of an orange seed. The circulatory (or blood) system, along with the heart, is the first part of that tiny body to be functional; and as your baby's heart starts to form, you may even be able to see it beating on an early ultrasound. Another part of your little tadpole that is under construction: the neural tube, which will eventually become your baby's brain and spinal cord.

Weight Gain/Loss: No weight gain...except maybe on my boobs! 

Maternity Clothes: Nope, not yet!

Stretch Marks: No, but I am lathering up with the cocoa butter just in case!

Sleep: I am sleeping a LOT. Sometimes, if I am sitting watching television, I just doze off sitting up! I am usually a very energetic person but I have been napping at least two hours a day and in bed by 10pm at the latest! 

Best Moment of the Week: Learning that my betas more than doubled :) Best moment for sure!

Movement: Not yet :)

Symptoms: Well, my breasts are a full cup size larger than they were last week so that is definitely new! If I get up too fast I can have some light cramping and pulling but nothing that worries me. It just feels normal to me. I am so incredibly fatigued all the time that I did not think it was possible 

Food Cravings: Ranch dressing and baked potato and chocolate milk... not together :p

Gender: No idea what my little "sesame seed" is... I don't have any preference either :) 

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Not really but I have been avoiding eggs and I LOVE eggs.

Labor Signs: No

Belly Button In or Out? In

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

Mood: The most amazing joy I have ever felt :)

Looking Forward To: 7 WEEK ULTRASOUND FEBRUARY 25TH!!! 

Holy BOOBS Batman!

NO joke. My boobs have literally grown a cup size over night and walking is excruciating! Hubby likes it though hahaha It didn't think it was humanly possible for this to happen but I actually had to buy a new bra just to get through! I am thinking that I should start lathering up on the cocoa butter to prevent as many stretch marks as I can but personally, I think my boobs are done for!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Bring on the signs that this little darling is growing strong!

:)

I actually could not think of a title for this blog post because, quite frankly, there are no words for the joy I am feeling--a smile will have to do :)  

Today, I got my second betas back! They more than doubled going from 445 on Monday to 1124 today! I am just over the moon. Finally, good news on the other end of the telephone! It feels like things are real today. I am finally growing a tiny little human... the perfect mix of my husband and I. I don't care if this baby is a boy or a girl... or more than one? My Mom and MANY of my friends are convinced there is more than one in there. Personally, I think there is just one :) BUT two would be double the blessing.... Only time will tell!

February 25th is the day... 19 more days until I get to see that little blip of a heartbeat on the screen. I just can't wait. I have so much love for this little bean and it is the size of a sesame seed! Hubby is starting to get comfortable with the idea that I am actually pregnant so that is nice :) I thank the Lord every night for this amazing, long awaited gift and I pray for the safe arrival of a beautiful, healthy baby boy or girl :)

Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself because I have dreamed about being pregnant so many times only to wake up in heart ache. NOT this time :) This time, I am living my dream of being a Mommy :) On my 30th birthday, I will be a Mommy... the most incredible gift in the world. 

Drum Roll Please....

Beta's were a WHOPPING 445!!!! YES! And I am booked for my 7 week 2 day scan on Monday, Feb 25!! I canNOT wait to see that beautiful little blip of a heart beat. Now, I am getting ready to celebrate with my hubby!!! YAY! I will write a nice, long entry tomorrow! xo

Anticipation...

Oh the anticipation... I am waiting for my blood work results. The nurse should call me within the next few hours. I just pray everything is okay... PLEASE GOD!

Nurse called...

I had to take a test AFTER ALL because I am 15 days past trigger and they wanted to confirm a positive home pregnancy test. The pic was sent and I am "officially pregnant."  Monday is blood work! WAHOO! Here is the tests... for those of you asking about tests...

THIS BABY IS STICKING! :)

Patiently and Positively Waiting

I have two more days until I have my blood drawn. I have not tested since Thursday. I just can't bring myself to obsess over the darkness of lines on top of every little twinge and pull that I am obsessing over already. The reality is, I have to pray... I can't worry. It is but so perfectly in a card my friend gave me yesterday. It says, "Don't worry about anything. Pray About Everything. Tell God what you Need--Phillipians 4:6"  The reality is, my body is growing this little being and peeing on sticks is not going to change what is meant to be and I BELIEVE that this baby is meant to be. In 36 weeks I will be holding my baby. Just in time for my 30th birthday... I know this is my heart.

So far, I have been having little twinges and pulls and have been EXHAUSTED! I could sleep forever it seems. Last night I went to my Boxfit class and did light aerobics for 1/2 hour but I felt really tired and achy after so I decided that I will not do my classes until I am feeling better about things. I was worrying the whole class and that is not good. I will likely pick up swimming or yoga or something but I will miss my classes and my favorite women. I guess I will have to drop by when I can!

My baby is a poppy seed today :)The teeniest, tiniest being and it gives me the the most colossal joy I have ever known. God is great :) 

YEEEHAWWW!!!!!

I CANNOT STOP STARING AT THESE TESTS!! COME ON MONDAY! I NEED TO KNOW MY BETAS!! 

Cautiously Optimistic ...

..ah HELL, who am I kidding? I am OVER THE MOON! :) I am pregnant. I AM PREGNANT! Yup ;) I know that because my test told me this morning...

So, now I have to pray that this little bean sticks with us the whole way home to it's Mommy and Daddy. I am so incredibly hopeful for this pregnancy :) I get blood work on Monday to see how my betas are and then we will do  repeat. THIS time they will double. THIS time, I will feel my baby grow and THIS time I will get to see my little miracle on a sonogram :)

 I have so many people praying for me.  I am so grateful for this. I really do believe in the power of prayer. I prayed every single night since my IUI for this. I did a nine day novena to St. Jude, I said my Hail Mary's and I talked to God every quiet chance I had. Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family for all the prayers. Keep them coming :) 

Not convinced...

As you all know, I ran out of the tests I used to test out my trigger yesterday. It seemed to be completely gone yesterday morning BUT I took a test this morning with second morning urine... AND...

I am not convinced that those lines are the real thing just yet. My darling cousin is getting her hands on the same tests I used to test out my trigger so I am going to see what happens after I hold my pee tonight.  I just have to pray that this is the real thing and that these lines get nice and dark over the next couple of days. I called the Dr. and she said that she will not draw a beta until Monday... If I test pos on Sunday, I have to call and then go in on Monday. HOW THE HELL DO I WAIT??? lol I guess I have to. I just hope this is not a trick. I guess that is why they are so overcautious at the clinic. Now, I wait.... and the nail biting continues.

PLEASE PRAY FOR US!!!

Neil and Karen

So, a dear friend of mine sent me a ink to a couple's video called "Birds and the Bees"... I watched it and had this moment of "AHA!"  I will certainly continue to watch all of their videos. It simply illustrates PERFECTLY the events in an "infertile's" life... Because that is what I am, that is what we are... infertile. We can't seem to get pregnant (and have it stick) on our own. Just watch...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYQUZDVUvt0

Today is one of those days where I am feeling realllllly sorry for myself. The trigger is gone and I miss seeing it... is that CRAZY? Like I miss seeing the two pink lines because, even though they were artificial, they were THERE and it was so comforting to see them again. Now they are gone and I am slowly losing hope that they will reappear. I am feeling really cramping and weepy... typical PMS symptoms for me... I could also be feeling super down because a FF friend of mine likely had a chemical pregnancy (one to add to a long list of chemicals and miscarriages). My heart is breaking for her. I was so excited to see her lines come back and darken. I wish I could take away the pain she is feeling in her heart right now. Unfortunately, it is a pain many people, like me, have to endure.  xo

Gone?

So, looks like the trigger shot is out of my system. There is a teeny weeny hint of a line but it is certainly going away. So, I really really hope that it comes back nice and bright! I am praying... HARD! Two more days left to my Novena to St. Jude... Maybe she is listening extra hard and putting in a good word with the man upstairs? One can only hope. Anyhoo.. Here is the tests:

Hmmmmm..

Nine days ago I had my trigger shot and it is still here. I am wondering if today is the last day for it. I cannot figure out what I think. It is lighter than yesterday right? I mean, in real life it looks the same. All the tests are dry. I am praying that it gets darker tomorrow. When I looked at the test in the container this morning after FMU, the test line was dark under the plastic. I hope that means it is coming back. All evening last night I was having cramping and pain and today again (just not as bad)... I really hope that is a good sign. I only have one more of these tests left so, after tomorrow I will have to use a FRER. I hope that these lines keeeeep getting darker!!! :) Stay tuned!

Dried tests....

The left one is today's. They are all pretty much the same... until tomorrow!

One week after IUI

Well, I am one week after IUI and, technically, I have another week until I am "allowed to test" hahaha FUNNY! Well, if the witch doesn't come, I will definitely be peeing on EVERY test I can find ! Today is eight days past my trigger shot and today's test is still pretty dark. I would say once it dries, the tests will be pretty close. I hope the line just gets darker :) I want this to be our month SO bad!!  Here is a picture of the tests...

Send those prayers our way!!!!

Just about gone

So, the HCG is just about out of my system...

I am going to hope and pray that the two ink lines return in full force within a week :) I want this so bad! A number of the ladies in the FF IUI forum got their bfps and I am going to get mine too! That joy is coming our way... I can feel it! Today I am feeling under the weather with a heavy head and a little fluish. Hopefully that is a good sign. I have had a headache off an on for a few days accompanied with nausea (which is normal when I get a headache). I know it is way too early for symptoms but who knows? Anyhoo, thought I would leave you with yet another, "Believe and Succeed" passage...

Hold your dreams close to your heart

and strive to make them come true.

Realize that it will not always be easy--
sometimes you may feel like giving up--
but remember that you are strong.
Value the hard times you experience
because they help make you stronger.
Look forward to the day when
your brightest dreams will come true.
Have faith in yourself,
be strong and hold on.
Keep believing in yourself,
because dream and treasures
that grow from the heart.