First Blog Rant...

Warning: If you don't want to read, feel free to move on. I am going to vent because I am sick of tippy toeing around certain women in FF. I know MANY people are.

Okay so, yesterday I was in my chat forum and I made a comment to one of the young women who recently found out that she is expecting. I told her she was "lucky to be pregnant."  I stand by that. While she had a number of fertility treatments (IUI, IVF, shot etc) she was STILL successful in conceiving a baby. I have so many friends that have spent thousands of dollars on IVF and IUI, had hundreds of shots  and have not managed to conceive a baby or did and lost theirs. I also have another friend of mind who can get pregnant easily but, because of so many immune and genetic issues, her pregnancies end in loss. If you are too "cranky" to be in chat and you are going to use it as an outlet to be rude, it is simple, leave. There is no science to it. If you find that, "people just tend to piss you off on there and you can't really relate to them at all", then stay away. It is a support group. I stand by every single woman who struggles and if you don't, then LEAVE. You obviously have "outgrown" your need for the women in there so do everyone a favor and find somewhere else to be a jerk.

And another thing, when I had my loss back in September, this person made ME feel like a piece of crap because I was hurting. Her comment was "at least you got pregnant."  And that is supposed to make it better? After three years of trying, we miraculously manged a natural pregnancy and had the joy and excitement of a baby only to LOSE it. My hurt was justified and your comment was insensitive and cruel.

I am just sick and tired of feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around this person because she is so moody and bitter about her experiences. And yes, bitter is the word I am looking for. Stop bitching about your battle scars and embrace them. You are pregnant. Yes, you have had a long, hard journey. YES, you have. So have I. So have so many women and still they have no baby. I am sorry if telling you that you are "lucky" or "blessed" has pissed you off or offended you but give me a break. YOU ARE LUCKY. YOU ARE BLESSED WITH A BEAUTIFUL BABY. Isn't that the end goal of the ttc journey? A perfect little mix of you and your husband? You have it. It is growing inside you and the needles and procedures and heartache are worth it because you are there...

If you leave a rude comment, I will delete it. I won't even take the time to read it. I was courteous and did not leave one on yours.  And for the record, I am done with FF for a while. In the words of a good friends, "you need to focus on you and your babies and stay away from the stress." I have prayed for so long to be here and I am finally expecting two beautiful miracles. I have paused my account and I have no idea when I will go back. I may not at all.

Baby LOVE!

Here they are!!!!

One little one is measuring 6 weeks 6 days and the other is measuring 7 weeks 2 days :) The doctor is VERY pleased with how they are shaping up! She did not tell me the heartbeats this time and I forgot to ask BUT they were fluttering away on the screen!  I get to see them again on March 14th!!!

7 Weeks!

How far along? 7 weeks 0 days

How big are the babies? Your babies are now the size of blueberries (and about 10,000 times bigger they were at conception). Most of the growth is concentrated in the head as new brain cells are generated at the rate of 100 per minute. Your baby's mouth and tongue are forming as arm and leg buds sprout, and those little kidneys are getting ready to do their job (pee production and excretion).

Weight Gain/Loss: Not sure? I have to get weighed at my appointment on Monday


Maternity clothes: Not yet! BUT they are ordered! 

Stretch marks: Other than the ones on my boobs, not yet! I bought bio oil yesterday though and will start using that today!

Best moment of the week: Without a doubt, Tuesday morning when we say the most beautiful sight of our lives... two precious little heartbeats :)

Movement: Not yet 

Symptoms: Nausea and sometimes vomiting, fatigue, pulling and tugging in my lower abdomen

Food Cravings: Nothing really... I have not had much of an appetite. I basically eat snacks throughout the day to make sure I am eating but I am struggling a lot with eating, even with the meds.

Gender: No idea what these babies are but I cannot wait to find out!!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pretty much everything lol. Specifically, I cannot have anything at all around my neck because it makes me gag.  Strong smells and too much heat are triggers for me too. Anything really cold is good. Hot beverages turn my stomach.

Labor signs: Nope

Wedding rings on or off? On

Mood: Good most times but the nausea does get to me at times and I can be moody. No one likes to feel sick all the time no do they? lol

Looking forward to: Monday :) 7 week 3 day ultrasound

Sleep: I am sleeping a LOT! Since I have started taking the diclectin for my nausea, I sleep a little better at night but still wake a few times to pee.

Here is the newest belly pic!!!

First Purchase!

Just had to order two pairs of maternity pants! I got up this morning and I could not get my dresspants done up for school! I have a couple of "fat pants" from before I started kickboxing that I am using now but I have a feeling it will not be much longer and I will need them. I am super uncomfortable all day because I feel SO bloated. Gosh, I love these babies :)

I saw God today...

That is what my status has read all day. Why? Because I did see him... I saw him in two beautiful, perfect little hearts beating at 120 and 122 this morning. TWO miracles measuring 6 weeks and 4 days. In that moment I was reminded that all of the crying and praying I did to become pregnant was so worth it. My hubby and I have struggled to have a baby for over three years and I was beginning to think I would never have a baby.  Here I am--pregnant... with TWINS :)

I saw the doctor at 10:30am and she did an internal ultrasound. She said nothing (neither did we) for about 10 mins... she just clicked pictures while she looked at the screen.... Finally, I said "please tell me something."  She explained that she was not sure what she was seeing and wanted to consult with a colleague before she told me anything.  What they were seeing was two heartbeats in two different sacs but there was a third sac that did not have a viable baby.  Hence the bleeding I had on Friday. The doctor reassured me that two babies were strong and growing but it appeared that my body "aborted" the third (charming huh?) and she explained that the risks with triplets are sky high and it may have been my body's way of knowing its limits.

After the ultrasound, the doctor examined me and told me to "start looking for maternity pants" because my uterus was measuring 10-11 weeks :) I guess we know why my pants are not fitting? Well, she gave me a high five and congratulated me on my babies... babies... imagine? I am growing two perfect little mixes of hubby and I...

My heart is overjoyed and I am just so excited to have such great news! Now I have to try and keep it to myself for as long as I can! It does not seem like I will be able to hide it for long though with this tummy!! Have a look!

Off to a rough start

Well, I started bleeding fairly heavy today and ended up in the emergency room.  I was a wreck. They did blood work and also a very crappy quality ultrasound. They saw two sacs but could only see one fetal pole. Because the women's clinic did not have the trans-vaginal ultrasound available, I have to wait to have one on Monday. I want my babies to be okay. I cried and cried and cried in the ER and I prayed and prayed. Please Lord these babies are just snuggling in and because of the crappy quality and the lack of a full bladder, my other baby was just hiding.

I need all of your prayers. I have never been so scared in my whole life. I need my babies to be okay, BOTH of my babies. xo

Okay for Now...

Well, the nurse called and my betas are good. They are at 19,000 today so she said that is a great number. She told me that I need to try and focus on being happy and positive and stop stressing. It is so much easier said than done. She reassured me that many women spot and even bleed during their pregnancy. I am NOT in the same pregnancy as I was when I miscarried and I need to stop comparing  this baby to my angel baby because they are not the same.

From this day on, I am going to stay focused on the fact that this baby is strong and healthy and have faith that the Lord is looking after us.

Prayers Please....

I had a lot of nausea and dry heaving while I was teaching today and when I went to the bathroom later I had some brown spotting... The same thing happened the last time... actually Thursday would the day I started miscarrying ... 5 weeks 5 days.... 

I am praying that everything is okay and that this is just normal. I called the nurse and I will be getting some blood work done tomorrow. She said it could be any number of things and it could be nothing. Realistically, I have no control over what is happening so I just have to trust that God has a plan. I just pray that his plan involves this perfect little being giving us the gift of parenthood in October. I want this baby to be okay more than I have ever wanted anything. 

Anyway, I am going to lay down. I will have blood work and see what happens tomorrow. Please pray for my sweet pea... 

5 Weeks!

How Far Along: 5 weeks, 0 days

How Big is Baby: Your baby now resembles a teeny tadpole (complete with a tiny tail) and is about the size of an orange seed. The circulatory (or blood) system, along with the heart, is the first part of that tiny body to be functional; and as your baby's heart starts to form, you may even be able to see it beating on an early ultrasound. Another part of your little tadpole that is under construction: the neural tube, which will eventually become your baby's brain and spinal cord.

Weight Gain/Loss: No weight gain...except maybe on my boobs! 

Maternity Clothes: Nope, not yet!

Stretch Marks: No, but I am lathering up with the cocoa butter just in case!

Sleep: I am sleeping a LOT. Sometimes, if I am sitting watching television, I just doze off sitting up! I am usually a very energetic person but I have been napping at least two hours a day and in bed by 10pm at the latest! 

Best Moment of the Week: Learning that my betas more than doubled :) Best moment for sure!

Movement: Not yet :)

Symptoms: Well, my breasts are a full cup size larger than they were last week so that is definitely new! If I get up too fast I can have some light cramping and pulling but nothing that worries me. It just feels normal to me. I am so incredibly fatigued all the time that I did not think it was possible 

Food Cravings: Ranch dressing and baked potato and chocolate milk... not together :p

Gender: No idea what my little "sesame seed" is... I don't have any preference either :) 

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Not really but I have been avoiding eggs and I LOVE eggs.

Labor Signs: No

Belly Button In or Out? In

Wedding Rings On or Off? On

Mood: The most amazing joy I have ever felt :)

Looking Forward To: 7 WEEK ULTRASOUND FEBRUARY 25TH!!! 

Holy BOOBS Batman!

NO joke. My boobs have literally grown a cup size over night and walking is excruciating! Hubby likes it though hahaha It didn't think it was humanly possible for this to happen but I actually had to buy a new bra just to get through! I am thinking that I should start lathering up on the cocoa butter to prevent as many stretch marks as I can but personally, I think my boobs are done for!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Bring on the signs that this little darling is growing strong!

:)

I actually could not think of a title for this blog post because, quite frankly, there are no words for the joy I am feeling--a smile will have to do :)  

Today, I got my second betas back! They more than doubled going from 445 on Monday to 1124 today! I am just over the moon. Finally, good news on the other end of the telephone! It feels like things are real today. I am finally growing a tiny little human... the perfect mix of my husband and I. I don't care if this baby is a boy or a girl... or more than one? My Mom and MANY of my friends are convinced there is more than one in there. Personally, I think there is just one :) BUT two would be double the blessing.... Only time will tell!

February 25th is the day... 19 more days until I get to see that little blip of a heartbeat on the screen. I just can't wait. I have so much love for this little bean and it is the size of a sesame seed! Hubby is starting to get comfortable with the idea that I am actually pregnant so that is nice :) I thank the Lord every night for this amazing, long awaited gift and I pray for the safe arrival of a beautiful, healthy baby boy or girl :)

Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself because I have dreamed about being pregnant so many times only to wake up in heart ache. NOT this time :) This time, I am living my dream of being a Mommy :) On my 30th birthday, I will be a Mommy... the most incredible gift in the world. 

Drum Roll Please....

Beta's were a WHOPPING 445!!!! YES! And I am booked for my 7 week 2 day scan on Monday, Feb 25!! I canNOT wait to see that beautiful little blip of a heart beat. Now, I am getting ready to celebrate with my hubby!!! YAY! I will write a nice, long entry tomorrow! xo

Anticipation...

Oh the anticipation... I am waiting for my blood work results. The nurse should call me within the next few hours. I just pray everything is okay... PLEASE GOD!

Nurse called...

I had to take a test AFTER ALL because I am 15 days past trigger and they wanted to confirm a positive home pregnancy test. The pic was sent and I am "officially pregnant."  Monday is blood work! WAHOO! Here is the tests... for those of you asking about tests...

THIS BABY IS STICKING! :)

Patiently and Positively Waiting

I have two more days until I have my blood drawn. I have not tested since Thursday. I just can't bring myself to obsess over the darkness of lines on top of every little twinge and pull that I am obsessing over already. The reality is, I have to pray... I can't worry. It is but so perfectly in a card my friend gave me yesterday. It says, "Don't worry about anything. Pray About Everything. Tell God what you Need--Phillipians 4:6"  The reality is, my body is growing this little being and peeing on sticks is not going to change what is meant to be and I BELIEVE that this baby is meant to be. In 36 weeks I will be holding my baby. Just in time for my 30th birthday... I know this is my heart.

So far, I have been having little twinges and pulls and have been EXHAUSTED! I could sleep forever it seems. Last night I went to my Boxfit class and did light aerobics for 1/2 hour but I felt really tired and achy after so I decided that I will not do my classes until I am feeling better about things. I was worrying the whole class and that is not good. I will likely pick up swimming or yoga or something but I will miss my classes and my favorite women. I guess I will have to drop by when I can!

My baby is a poppy seed today :)The teeniest, tiniest being and it gives me the the most colossal joy I have ever known. God is great :)