Ode to Aunt Flo

     I found this poem on a site and it made me laugh out loud. I hope you enjoy it as much as I    did ....                           

                                 Months of quests for good conception, 

Lots of sex without protection, 

Temp at six and no exceptions, 

Aunt Flo is one day late.

Dark line on my OPK, 

EWCM for days and days, 

Lord please make her stay away, 

Aunt Flo is one day late.

Fantasies in pink and blue, 

I wish and pray that they come true, 

TTC girls say they will too, 

Aunt Flo is one day late.

Boobs feel bigger and maybe sore, 

Maybe I can smell things more, 

Off we go now to the store, 

Aunt Flo is one day late.

Do we wait for FMU? 

I can't wait that long, can you? 

Just incase, we bought two, 

Aunt Flo is one day late.

Take it now, don't hesitate! 

Two lines that will decide my fate, 

Is all I want to see but wait!!!!! 

Ohhhhh NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Seeing red, I close my eyes, 

Such a horrible surprise, 

OOOh that witch I do despise!!! 

A message from a dear friend....

My friend Pepe asked me to post this to my blog for her. For some reason she could not post a comment so, because she is so special to me, she gets her very own entry :)

Without you these past few moths, where would I be? You have grounded me in every way, you have taught me to be a better person and be patient when it came to TTC You struggled and my struggles seemed worthless, I want you to know how much you mean to me and that one day WE will have children and WE will be more that just friends through a computer screen. I wish you all the luck with the 4th coming IUI, you will be a Mommy, I just know you will, what the heck, you dont need luck, it come naturally to you xxx

Love you, Pepe. xo

Television Tear Jerker

Last week, my friend sent me a text message telling me that she had just watched a commercial that left her in tears. She described a Carters commercial but I assumed that, since I had not seen it and I had not heard of the store, it was not in Canada.  Well, a few days ago, I was watching my daily addiction, "A Baby Story", living vicariously through the new moms, pushing and crying along with them, and then it happened.... that Carters commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_gtD5U9Bck

Are you bawling? I know I did. My husband was at work thankfully so he did not have to be subjected to the mess I had become after watching this 1 minute 1 second television add.  It left me feeling SO desperate for a child... a tiny human being--a mix of  my husband and me--a living, breathing, child of my own that depends on me for their existence.  As the commercial states, "When a child is born, so is a mom."  I wonder when I will be born... I wonder when I will hold that little one for the first time. I just cannot imagine the feel that must be, to know that you are FINALLY holding your baby. I know it will happen. I know this because I refuse to accept that it will not. I deserve to be a mom. I have the best mom in the world and I need to have the opportunity to give that unfaltering love and friendship to a child of my own. I have certainly learned from the best. That I know for sure. I love you mom :)

Perhaps when I have a child of my own, I will return to this blog post and watch the Carters commercial and, instead of feeling heartache, I will feel joy because I will be able to relate to the woman in the commercial snuggling her baby and I will be looking forward to things in the commercial... Then I will be "born."

Just so you know :)

                                                                     Thanks Pepe :)

A shout out to...

Instead of pissing and moaning about my fertility misfortunes, today I am going to send a thank you out to the biggest supports in my life. I have the most AMAZING friends and family. I am not sure how I would have ever managed to get through the past three years if I didn't have them surrounding me. Central to my support system has been a group of online buddies...

When I started my TTC (trying to conceive) journey, I decided to join a website called "Fertility Friend." There, I met some of the most incredible woman who have been such a huge support to me. On my down days, on my happier days and through some of my darkest days.... they were there. I could never name each of the women who have, in some way, touched my life through a computer screen BUT I will make a special point to recognize THREE of them.  I will use their screen names for privacy purposes.

Angelkitty
Oh girl, where so I start? We go way back. Back to when we learned about our husbands male factor infertility... back when the world felt like it was falling in on us and every step we took towards our babies left us three steps behind. You are such an amazing woman and I am incredibly grateful to have you in my life and even MORE grateful to be entering into an exciting new chapter of my life, right alongside you.  In less than two weeks, you start the IVF process and I start the IUI process. Here we are. We have waited so long for this and I am so excited to get that text from you telling me that you and your handsome hubby are expecting that miracle. You have been a pillar of strength for me and I hope that I have reciprocated with even half of the love and support you have given me. Here is her blog if you would like to follow her journey...

positivelywaiting.wordpress.com

Pepe
YOU are one of the strongest women I have ever known. Yup, that's right, YOU. I cannot imagine going through the heartache that you have in this TTC whirlwind. You listen to my whining and moaning about the everyday struggles of a woman aching for motherhood and here you are, in the same boat. just with a much more heart wrenching story. I could never compare my experience to yours but I want you to know that I share in it with you.  We talk everyday in some form or another and you are so significant in my life. I appreciate you beyond words. We WILL share in more than just a sad story, we WILL be mommies and we will share those beautiful, happy experiences together one day. I know it. 

Lyndsteach
It is actually uncanny the similarities in our stories. We are both teachers (who love our jobs--a rarity in this field), we both fell pregnant miraculously on our own before IUI and only days apart from one another. Sadly, we also lost that miracle within days of each other. Here we are, starting fresh and just about to get started on our first IUI cycles. We were meant to meet. I know that and I am so glad that I had your support during my loss. As awful as it is that we were both struggling with the same detriment, it was such a comfort to know that someone understood the anguish in my heart. I look forward to experiencing the JOY of a successful IUI and a beautiful take home baby. If you would like to read about Lynds's experience, here is her blog.  It is so beautifully written:

http://shehornfamily.blogspot.ca/

SO much love....

Rayof Sunshine

"We are made to persist. That's how we find out who we are."

Still haunting me...

So, I'm a substitute teacher. Back in September when I was pregnant, I was teaching at a new school and was very sick with nausea and vomiting--the happiest sick person ever, none the less. I was doing classroom support for a teacher and had to leave suddenly. Of course I felt like I owed her an explanation so I privately told her that I had newly discovered that I was expecting and was sick with nausea. I asked her to keep it to herself....WELL, apparently her loose lips got the better of her. When I had the loss, I told her that "things did not work out" and received the regular line..."Oh, I am so sorry... everything happens for a reason."  That's fine. It's what people do. What else are you supposed to say?

Yesterday, I was working in the same school and was chatting among the teachers in the lounge. A teacher looked at me (loudly and direct) and said, "You're pregnant, aren't ya?" and I replied, "nope, not me."  She went on to say, " I could have sworn (insert name here) told me that you were pregnant...newly pregnant."  She was relentless. I mean, get clue! I moved closer to her and quietly said, "I was pregnant but things did not work out." What does she do? She says, in a voice as loud as a deaf old woman, "Ohhhh, ya lost it? I'm so sorry."  I wanted to crawl into a hole. What an uncomfortable moment for me. Everyone was looking at me. Everyone had this look of sheer pity on their faces. Ya know that saying, "saved by the bell?" Well, thank the LORD, I was. It was time to head to my homeroom and get settled in for the afternoon. I stayed away from the lounge the rest of the day and manage to avoid all of the teachers for the rest of the day. Just another day in the life of me.

On a high note, my requisition came in the mail today for our fertility specialist appointment! November 13th :) 11 more days and we will have a plan. I am so excited! Stay tuned !